Certainly I loved Jake and wanted, more than anything, to help him. Thestumbling block was that, even healthy, he wouldn't have been able to'fully und...rstand, and freely consent'. Dejected, I tossed the pad ontothe shelf.My misery lasted about twenty seconds because it occurred to me there wasanother approach to this. Digging out one of our picture albums, I founda photo of Paula in a bathing suit at a beach party my parents threwabout a month before she and I got married. She was in a pinup. We talked general things and she asked me the reason of doing that I said nothing and then she sort of forced me and I told her that I having an crush on her and she laughed to it and said acha and I said yeah . She said you just wanted to have sex with me , right . I hesitatingly said yeah sort of and she said I know that since you started showing up in your shorts in your balcony . We then talked a bit then she hung up as her husband was about to return . Next day she texted me on whatsapp. It was my cue to slide my hand over to her belly and push myself a bit onto her. This was by far the best selfie I had taken. I then turned her over to face me, leaned on to her, grabbed her ass to which she took the cue pulled herself closer and took another selfie. It was enough pictures, and there needed to be active. I leaned on her further for a kiss. My lips touched hers, I cheekily slid my tongue in and I think my brain exploded when she sucked on my tongue.I was in. We were French. I was always on the road from airports to government and military installations. Three failed marriages and four kids who didn't know or care where I was because they never saw me anyway lay behind me. Perhaps that was part of the reason that I was a freaking walking heart attack. I had ceased to give a shit about myself years ago. I smoked like a freight train, drank like a fish, and lived on fast food. In short, my life sucked rocks. All that shit was running through my head when that big.
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